The Land Down Under

People I meet while racing abroad often ask me what is different about Australia compared to the USA.  On a few of my 5 hour rides I have had plenty of time to contemplate the differences.

Here, I watch lizards scurry off the road and dodge squirrels and chipmunks instead of kangaroos and wombats.  I prey that I don’t see a rattlesnake instead of just a deadly brown or tiger snake.  I try and remember to ride on the right hand side of the road and think I have mastered looking over my left shoulder whilst keeping the bike in a straight line.

I wake up in America and turn the light up not down to turn it on.  I flush the toilet and watch as the water swirls the wrong way.  I look out at the stars at night and search for the Southern Cross which was used by early explorers who navigated the southern hemisphere.

I greet someone with “how are you going?” and they look at me as if I am crazy.  I then correct myself and ask, “how are you doing”.  I now get confused and forget what I say and what Americans say.

Before Redlands, I get my new Salsa bike and notice that the brakes are set up on the wrong side, as our back brake is always on the left side.  I concentrate hard on repeating to myself how to change gears (as Campy running gear is different from Shimano) and remember which is the front and rear brake.

Someone asks me if I ride sew ups or clinchers and I give them a confused look.  I then ask them if they mean singles or high pressures?  I have a whole new vocabulary to learn even with something as simple as a type of tyre.  Ophs I mean tire.

I asked Joan if I should put the Esky in the boot of the car and I got a very confused look.  After translating into American “should I put the cooler in the trunk” I was finally understood.

Every time I sign my Release form I write the date the wrong way.  My brain has written day, month then year for 30 years and it is having trouble adapting.  In fact, having to sign Release forms at all is a novel concept.  Australians are very relaxed people and we just pay the entry and have that “she’ll be right” attitude.  We don’t tend to sue the pants of each other …..yet.

When we fly within Australia with our bikes, the airlines never charge us the rip off $80 (each way) for a bike.  It is a pleasant experience to show up at the check-in and not be sweating and trying to think of excuses.

Before most races, I need to translate the race schedule from miles back into kilometres.  I am getting quite proficient at multiplying by 1.6 now.

I weigh myself and then have to get out my calculator and divide by 2.2 to figure out if I am getting too skinny and have to eat more.

I watch the weather channel and then divide the temperature by 2 and deduct 32 to figure out if I need a wind vest or it is a day for sunscreen.

I spread vegemite on my toast and offer it around.  The funniest comment by someone who refused a vegemite sandwich was “you guys must rub that stuff on your gums as kids and then become brain washed into thinking it tastes good”.

So yes, things are different in America.  Yes – we share the same heritage, with both countries developing from European immigrants, however Australia’s early settlers were actually a bunch of convicts, sent from England for such petty thefts as stealing food, but please don’t hold that against us.

And finally, our land down under is comparable to Europe in size but it is practically empty, compared to the USA, with only 19 million living amongst the snakes and sharks.  Yes – I grew up with snakes and I am very respectful of them.  We have 6 of the 10 deadliest snakes in the world with brown and tiger snakes living plentifully on the farm I grew up on – or should I say ranch.

Well, that’s all for now – I am off to have a little tucker, one of my favourite pastimes.